Interview by Nikki Baldauf, Production Editor at Bloomsbury Publishing
Nichole, 39, was born and raised in Cincinnati, OH. She works for the Urban League of Grace as a resource coordinator, and as a community liaison at a local elementary school. Nichole is also a mentor through the Cincinnati Youth Collaborative, where she was recently awarded the 2012 Youth Mentor of the Year. She first learned that she had alopecia at age 17.
I was a senior in high school when my alopecia started.
I did not know what it was at the time, I just knew that my hair was falling out and that I had these circular spots. My mom thought it was the stress of my senior year, boys and stuff like that, but I was like, “I’m not stressed out about anything!” So my grandmother took me to the doctor and they told me what it was.
I was self-conscious, but I had a special advantage.
I felt very self-conscious. It was hard for several reasons. It was my senior year in high school and that’s always a tough year for any teenager. I thought, “I have to wear a wig for prom, I have to wear a wig for senior pictures!” At that time, wigs and hair weaves weren’t very popular. I wasn’t an outcast but I wasn’t very popular back then because I was very self-conscious that I was wearing a wig. One thing that really helped was that I went to a high school that was almost all Caucasian, so they didn’t really know much about African American hair weaves and whether my hair was fake or real, so I was able to get by a little bit better.
My friends and close supporters confirmed: The hair is not me. I’m still me!
Yes, I had a strong support system. When it was time for me to find a wig – which was foreign to me – my grandmother and my mom were there all the time, helping me, telling me what looked good and what didn’t work. And I had great friends who were very supportive and let me know that, no matter what, I’m still me. I’m not the hair, the hair is not me — I’m still me! Within a couple of years my hair grew back. Then, about five and a half years ago when I was 34, I noticed that it had started coming out again. So from 19 to 34, I had no signs of alopecia. When it started coming out again at 34, I immediately knew what it was and what I had to do.
My turning point was seeing a photo of a woman online with her head shaved.
Back then in school it was just a disaster, because I was just so young. I was just grateful that my hair grew back. Right now, I have Facebook, and that led me to my turning point. I saw a Bald and Beautiful Barbie page where I saw a picture of a woman with her hair shaved. She was beautiful, she was gorgeous, and I was like, “I need to do this!” It was at this point in time that my hair was just patches. I would come home, immediately take off my wig, and put on a scarf. I felt like I was hiding from my husband, because if he wasn’t home I wouldn’t put a scarf on, but as soon as I heard the garage door open, I would run and grab my scarf. I just got to thinking, “Man, this is crazy! I shouldn’t be hiding!”
And that’s exactly what I felt I was doing, because of the nature of my hair. When I told him that, he said the same exact things that I thought. “This is your home, if you feel comfortable anywhere on this earth, it should be in your home. I did not marry you for your hair, I married your for your heart and your hair does not change that.” He loves me for who I am, not for the hair I have or don’t have on my head. So that made it easier.
Then I came to the conclusion – once I saw that lady’s picture – that the only way I would be comfortable in my own home, around my husband, was if I shaved it off. Because then I wouldn’t have to worry about the spots, it would just be me. And so that’s what I did.
Last April – April 13, to be exact – I decided to shave it all off. And not just to shave it all off but to go outside like that. I talked to my husband about it and talked to a lot of my friends about it, and I got a lot of support. And my husband was like, “I’m with you whatever it is you want to do. I’m there.” I said, “I want to shave it.” And he said, “Ok, you cut it and I’ll shave it!” So I just cut it – and cut it and cut it until I couldn’t cut it anymore, and then he came and he shaved it for me. And that was that. And that Monday I got up and was prepared to go to work and I thought to myself, “I’ll leave the wig at home because then I’ll be more inclined to go into the school and not change my mind about it.” And so I did it. I went into the school. The very first day, I got so many compliments, but I didn’t go out of my office at all. The second day, I got a little bit better. And then the third day, fourth day, fifth day, I started venturing around the building a little bit. And what I realized is, no one is paying attention to me!
I’m excited to share my story.
I would say to surround yourself with positive people, and I would say pray and thank God for what he has given you, and for what he hasn’t given you. I try to talk to people about alopecia as much as I can. There are some brave people who will ask, and I welcome it. I don’t shy away from it. I’m excited to share my story! Anything that I can do to motivate someone else, I’m all for it! If someone asks me what’s going on, and they have a couple of minutes, I will tell them the details of what alopecia is and my journey with it. From my family and friends to strangers, once I tell my story I get a lot of positive feedback.
Another thing is that there are people who have alopecia and I didn’t even know it, but once they realized I had it, they felt more comfortable sharing their story. When I shaved my head, one of my tutors wrote me a letter and told me that she had alopecia as well, and that she could never be so brave as to shave her head and go out in public, but she thanks God for introducing us and for my courage. Just hearing stories like that really helps me. They think I’m helping them, but what they don’t know is that they’re helping me ten times over!
Bald Girls Do Lunch is the only nonprofit created specifically to help women with alopecia areata cope, gain confidence and feel a sense of community.
